Bad Friend

Verse 1

There’s this guy who I’ve known since I was fifteen
And ever since then he’s always hung around with me
But even though we, don’t really have that much in common
No matter what I do I can’t seem to get rid of him
You see the problem is this dude is a bad influence
Coming up with crazy schemes and talking me into em
Leaving me to catch the blame, while he runs free
What’s his name I hear you ask – well, it’s drunk me.
Whenever he’s not around I’m a responsible guy
Kind-hearted, mild mannered and I’m always polite
But whenever we get together something happens inside
And I change from Dr Jekyll into Mr Hyde
He makes me crack jokes that are rude and offensive
But doesn’t stick around to deal with the consequences
And by the time the morning comes, he’s always disappeared
Leaving me with nothing but a banging headache and The Fear

Chorus

There’s this guy that I know, and everywhere he goes
Every place and every time he follows me
No matter what I try, to get rid of this guy
He just stays in his place and he won’t leave

Verse 2

He’s always landing me in these sticky situations
And leaving me to come up with an explanation
Like – “Look, theres bin a misunderstanding lads…
I was calling you all ‘gents’ out the back of the cab!”
I swear sometimes it’s like I’ve got an evil twin
I go to clubs and they won’t even let me in
“It wasn’t me Mr Bouncer, you’ve got to believe me
What do you mean you’ve got footage on the CCTV?”
He’s the worst wingman I’ve ever met in my life
He’s always giving me false confidence and telling me lies
Feeding me lines that he swears are a dead cert
That only serve to leave me with a wet shirt
He makes me chat to girls that I don’t even fancy
Til eventually I find one to take home in a taxi
But I guess she’s got a bad friend just like me
Coz by the time I wake up, she’s nowhere to be seen

Chorus

There’s this guy that I know, and everywhere he goes
Every place and every time he follows me
No matter what I try, to get rid of this guy
He just stays in his place and he won’t leave

Verse 3

I’d have thought by my 30’s that I’d no longer know him
Now I’m going to dinner parties that my friends are throwing
But the moment I have one or two glasses of wine
Guess which uninvited house guest arrives
Right, in the middle – of a – political debate
He humiliates me in front of my civilised mates
He’s got me laughing like madman and slapping my knees
– Until I pass out face down in my peas
You’re probably wondering why I still hang around with this jerk
I’ve tried to cut him off before but nothing seems to work
I even replaced him with Stoned Me at one point
But that boy is just too damn paranoid
So even though he’s obnoxious, loud and abrasive
And endangers my safety on a regular basis
Whilst I hate to admit it and it fills me with shame
– A night out without him just isn’t the same

Chorus

There’s this guy that I know, and everywhere he goes
Every place and every time he follows me
No matter what I try, to get rid of this guy
He just stays in his place and he won’t leave