Vese 1:<\/p>\n
I never thought that I’d resort to using a computer Chorus:<\/p>\n When did finding someone become such a hard chore? Verse 2:<\/p>\n Now I’m browsing through profiles to take a peek Verse 3:<\/p>\n I get a notification Chorus\/Outro:<\/p>\n When did finding someone become such a hard chore? \u2026 Well is it? I don\u2019t think so\u2026 Vese 1: I never thought that I’d resort to using a computer To try and find love – coz that stuff\u2019s just for losers But there must be others like me who simply work a lot And are too busy to meet people, so I guess it’s worth a shot OK let’s pick a username […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/226"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=226"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/226\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nTo try and find love – coz that stuff\u2019s just for losers
\nBut there must be others like me who simply work a lot
\nAnd are too busy to meet people, so I guess it’s worth a shot
\nOK let’s pick a username – something amusing
\nthat conveys my sense of humour is and guaranteed to woo the babes
\nHmm everything I choose is lame
\nI’ll use my first name and my birthday – I bet no one else’ll do the same!
\nNow it\u2019s time to add a profile pic
\nSomething tasty that the ladies won’t be able to resist
\nI’ll take one from Facebook\u2026 actually wait
\nUnconscious with a nob on my face isn’t a great look
\nFinally I fill my profile out creatively
\n“How often do you drink?” Uh – occasionally
\n“Do you smoke?”
\nA few more tweaks, hit save and I’m ready to go<\/p>\n
\nI’ve had enough of bar crawls and dancefloors
\nAll I’m after is partner who can make me cry with laughter
\nAnd who looks like Mrs Carter – is that too much to ask for?<\/p>\n
\nAnd the results are underwhelming to say the least
\nI know you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover
\nBut if these are their best pics then how bad are the others?
\nI click a few that look promising, or at first it seems
\nBut as I read on, I notice some recurring themes
\nA lot of similar poses and words arise
\nSo as I dig deeper I start reading between the lines
\nIf she says that she’s bubbly don’t be fooled or misled
\nCoz it’s code for ‘not the sharpest tool in the shed’
\nAnd if she says that she’s curvy, that generally means
\nThat when she sees vending machines she empties them clean
\nAnd with their photos I also notice a couple things
\nCamera angles designed to hide their double chins
\nI know that the camera never tells lies
\nBut I beg to differ if they’re ever held high<\/p>\n
\nAnd for a moment I’m filled with hope and elation
\nThis could be the most important message ever I’m about to view
\nI take a deep breath and open it – “hey hun how r u”
\nI send out a few but get no responses back
\nI’m about to pack it in when someone new wants to chat
\nShe’s into to movies, music and cookery too
\nPlus she’s a looker to boot – this is too good to be true!
\nOver the coming weeks we correspond regularly
\nI can’t believe it – it feels like it was meant to be
\nEventually we agree to meet in person
\nIt’s the first time in ages I’ve actually felt nervous
\nI’d love to tell you that the story ended happily
\nBut that rarely ever happens in reality
\nLet’s just say the pictures she had provided
\nMade her liable in court for false advertising <\/p>\n
\nI’ve had enough of bar crawls and dancefloors
\nAll I’m after is partner who can make me cry with laughter
\nAnd who looks like Mrs Carter – and is just as good a dancer\u2026
\nWho’s equally at home with a glass of cava or lager
\nWho’s smart enough to graduate from Harvard with a masters
\nWho isn’t into drama with breasts like Dolly Parton
\nAnd preferably a rich father\u2026 is THAT too much to ask for?!<\/p>\n
\nI mean, all that stuff\u2019s just, standard right?
\nOk, ok maybe she doesn\u2019t have to be a dancer\u2026
\nBut everything else is essential.
\nI mean, ok, she doesn\u2019t have to have an ACTUAL Master\u2019s Degree from Harvard – but she\u2019s gotta be smart.
\nAnd, y\u2019know, the rich dad thing\u2026 I guess I could take or leave\u2026
\nBut everything else is STRICTLY non negotiable
\nApart from the lager and cava thing\u2026 and the Beyonce thing\u2026 obviously.
\nBut ANYTHING else is a deal breaker!
\nI mean, what\u2019s even LEFT after that?
\nI\u2019m not tryna be a dick, but I\u2019ve just got high standards and I know what I\u2019m looking for, y\u2019know?
\nYeah, yeah\u2026 funny and boobs, yeah.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"