Verse 1<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a pretty capable guy in most aspects of my life
\nI can cook, clean and do what it takes to survive
\nBut there\u2019s one area where I could be whole lot better
\nAnd that\u2019s doing anything practical whatsoever
\nThe kind of jobs you\u2019d classify as \u201creal man stuff\u201d
\nAnything involving tools, wood, steel and such
\nStuff I thought you just knew one you reached a certain age
\nBut now I\u2019ve reached it I realise is far from the case
\nStuff my Dad\u2019s generation seem to just understand
\nLike they\u2019ve got a manual – with the emphasis on \u201cman\u201d
\nAnd girls don\u2019t get mad coz I know you can do it too
\nIn fact I\u2019m regularly shown up by a few of you who do
\nDon\u2019t get me wrong there\u2019s plenty other value I can add
\nI can sync your email on your phone and iPad
\nI\u2019m just not the type of guy you\u2019d describe as a lad
\nAnd that\u2019s fine I\u2019ve come to terms with the fact that I simply am a\u2026<\/p>\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n
Modern Man – there\u2019s a lot that I can do
\nI can whip up a delicious gluten free vegan stew
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – and it\u2019s even low carb
\nBut if the oven won\u2019t start I\u2019m afraid we\u2019re gonna starve<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – I got a lotta skills
\nI can recommend a range of excellent foreign films
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – you can borrow them as well
\nBut if you want a screwdriver then.. sorry I can\u2019t help<\/p>\n
Verse 2<\/p>\n
When it comes to DIY for me the D stands for Delegate
\nCoz I cause devastation whenever I decorate
\nAnd as for tryna mend something when it breaks
\nMy expertise extends as far as wrapping it together with some sellotape
\nI came home one day and the house was pitch black
\nSo I rang my Dad who told me just to flick a switch back
\n\u201cIt\u2019s very simple son, all you\u2019ve done is blow a fuse out\u201d
\n\u201cI dunno Dad, it sounds easier just to move house\u201d
\nIt\u2019s not that I\u2019m adverse to manual labour
\nIt\u2019s just by steering clear I\u2019m doing everybody a favour
\nAnd if you say it\u2019s not that bad, you\u2019ll back track for sure
\nWhen you see how long it takes to make some flatpack drawers
\n– 4 hours and a whole load of cursing later
\nAnd it barely resemble the picture that\u2019s on the paper
\nBut even though they\u2019re crooked I\u2019m still grinning with pride
\nUntil I realise I\u2019ve put the handles on the inside<\/p>\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – Don\u2019t talk to me about sport
\nI don\u2019t know my tennis pitches from my football courts
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – my mates treat me with disdain
\nCoz when their teams lose I say \u201cIt\u2019s only a game\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – I\u2019m useless in a fight
\nDespite my extensive training at Boxercise
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – So I\u2019m bound to lose
\nLike \u201cLet\u2019s talk it out\u201d while being beaten with my own shoe<\/p>\n
Verse 3<\/p>\n
I hear girls complaining when they go to the garage
\nThat the mechanics just assume that their knowledge is lacking
\nBut as a man, the opposite assumption is made
\nAnd that your brain contains every single volume of Haynes
\nI got a flat tyre when I was driving one time
\nSo pulled over and rang the nearest garage I could find
\nExplained the situation and then waited inside
\nFor over 2 hours until the guy finally arrived
\nHe eyed it up and down and asked \u201cDo you have a spare?\u201d
\nI stared blankly and replied \u201cUh not that I\u2019m aware\u2026\u201d
\nHe opened the back door, lifted up the floor
\n– And I was like \u201cWow, I never knew that there!\u201d
\nHe changed it and then handed me a bill for the work
\nAnd to tell the truth I don\u2019t know how much this stuff is worth
\nSo when I saw the price I tried to not look surprised
\n\u201c\u00a3900 – mmm yeah that sounds about right\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Chorus<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – I don\u2019t know how to read a map
\nI still get lost even when I\u2019m following a SatNav
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – But I rarely lose my rag
\nBecause I practice mindfulness daily with an app<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – I don\u2019t want a builders brew
\nBut a Roobois or Chai infusion will do
\nCoz I\u2019m a Modern Man – or if you\u2019re offering coffee
\nThen a decaf frapaccino with some cream and some toffee<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – my girlfriends always despair
\nCoz when we hold hands mine are softer than theirs
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – I\u2019ll notice their new hair
\n– But if I see a spider I\u2019ll be standing on a chair<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a Modern Man – I don\u2019t get on with their dads
\nI\u2019m the son they\u2019re always glad that they never had
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man – but Mums always approve
\nCoz I can help them pair their outfits with their new shoes
\nI\u2019m a Modern Man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Verse 1 I\u2019m a pretty capable guy in most aspects of my life I can cook, clean and do what it takes to survive But there\u2019s one area where I could be whole lot better And that\u2019s doing anything practical whatsoever The kind of jobs you\u2019d classify as \u201creal man stuff\u201d Anything involving tools, wood, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=286"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=286"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=286"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=286"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}