Verse 1:<\/p>\n
January is the month we dedicate to fitness
\nCoz everybody feels fat and guilty after Christmas
\n– So we sell \u2018em memberships to gyms and all the kit
\nAnd they go once or twice but in a month\u2019s time they all quit
\nFebruary is a month that\u2019s wonderful for us
\nCoz Valentines Day makes everyone have to prove their love
\nSo we sell chocolates, flowers even jewellery to these chumps
\nAnd they buy it all – coz they know if they don\u2019t then they\u2019ll get dumped!
\nAnd March is when we all dress up to celebrate St Patricks Day
\nWhether or not we\u2019ve got a drop of Irish blood inside our veins
\nAnd to tell the truth I still don\u2019t know what it all means
\nBut I know one thing, it\u2019s literally a licence to print green
\nAnd Easter was supposed to be when Jesus returned from the dead
\nBut our research shows people prefer fluffy bunnies instead
\nAnd if you\u2019ve still got any chocolate from Valentines Day left
\nYou can melt it down, reshape and resell it as eggs<\/p>\n
Chorus: <\/p>\n
We rely, on people buying what we sell them
\nAnd we thrive, on gluttony and greed
\nWe provide, a range of seasons as the motivation
\nAnd the reason to buy things that they don\u2019t need<\/p>\n
They comply, and always do just what we tell them
\nAnd inside, it makes them feel complete
\nBut when they find, the feeling has depleted
\nThey are desperate to repeat it so by more things they don\u2019t need<\/p>\n
Verse 2:<\/p>\n
There wasn\u2019t really much in June so we created Father\u2019s Day
\nAs yet another chance for us to saturate the marketplace
\nSo now you can take any tat and peddle it for cash
\nAs long as it comes decorated with a little tash
\nJuly the 4th is also known as Independence Day
\nWhich right now they just celebrate in the United States
\n– But we\u2019ll have here soon too, as long as I have my way
\nYou don\u2019t believe me? Look, we\u2019ve already got Black Friday!
\nNow August might seem quiet but don\u2019t get it misconstrued
\nCoz here is where your Christmas stock can first get introduced
\nI know you think I\u2019m crazy and you say \u201cIt\u2019s way to soon\u201d
\nBut it gets earlier and earlier – next year we\u2019ll start in June
\nThe kids go back to school at the beginning of September
\nAnd they want branded jackets, bags and shoes thanks to peer pressure
\nAnd this is where we first implant the seed inside their heads
\nThat you need material items in order to feel content
\nHalloween is something that we only just acquired
\nBut boy am I glad that we did, the concept is inspired
\nCoz we sell sweets to grownups, who are blissfully ignoring
\nThe fact that \u2018trick or treat\u2019 is simply door to door extortion!
\nNow contrary to Halloween, which has only just arrived
\nWe\u2019ve been profiteering in November since 1605
\nBut as well as Bonfire Night and Guy Fawkes now it\u2019s even better
\nCoz we make twice as much from those masks from V for Vendetta
\nAnd now December is the month we\u2019ve all been waiting for\u2026
\nWhere we gorge ourselves on food and drink and Christmas gifts galore
\nAnd the mascot that we\u2019ve chosen is too fitting to be true
\nA fat white man, in a Coca Cola suit
\nOn Boxing Day we make sure everyone runs to the store
\nTo buy all the things that they weren\u2019t given just the day before
\nAnd then it\u2019s New Year\u2019s Eve where everyone counts down from 10
\nAnd then the very next day the whole cycle starts again<\/p>\n
Outro:<\/p>\n Now I know the observant ones amongst you have something to say Verse 1: January is the month we dedicate to fitness Coz everybody feels fat and guilty after Christmas – So we sell \u2018em memberships to gyms and all the kit And they go once or twice but in a month\u2019s time they all quit February is a month that\u2019s wonderful for us Coz Valentines Day […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=296"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u201cYou didn\u2019t mention any events in the month of May\u201d
\nSo let\u2019s create one right now and make everybody pay
\nIn fact lets cut the middle man right out and just call it \u2018Retail Dayyyyy\u2019!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"