Verse 1<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My girl is one of the nicest people you\u2019re ever likely to meet
Everybody\u2019s in agreement she\u2019s kindhearted and sweet
At least that how it seems on the surface, but recently I\u2019ve learned
Some things about her which I find deeply disturbing
She\u2019s addicted to shows about serial killers
Everybody from Jeffrey Dahrmer to Jack the Ripper
I\u2019m tryna have my dinner while she\u2019s watching Mindhunters
\u201cYou not gonna finish?\u201d \u201cNope, I\u2019ve lost my hunger\u201d
Don\u2019t get me wrong I\u2019m a big fan of horror movies
Hellraiser \u201cLegendary\u201d Evil Dead \u201cGroovy\u201d
But I like fake monsters like Jason and Chucky
She\u2019s into real life ones like Gacy and Bundy
She won\u2019t watch Die Hard coz the violence is senseless
But she\u2019ll watch a guy dine on his parents for breakfast
She swears blind it\u2019s not the gruesome actions she likes
It\u2019s the psychological aspect she\u2019s fascinated by (yeah right)
But now I\u2019m wondering if there is a risk that
Watching all of this stuff can have a negative impact
And if it\u2019s gonna happen to anybody it\u2019s her
Coz with the amount she watches she could definitely turn into a\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
It\u2019s more than interest, my girlfriend is obsessed with
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
The way that she relaxes is by watching guys with axes who are<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
It was just a bit of fun now I\u2019m worried she might become a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
Murder Murder Murder, Kill Kill Kill<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 2<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked my mate and he said all girls are the same
When it comes to these types of shows their like moths to a flame
Nowadays if you wanna impress em on dates
Ask which hotel they\u2019d stay at – Cecil or Bates
I did my best to push the thought it out my head
Like \u201cIt must be a female thing that I just don\u2019t get\u201d
But no matter what I do the idea sticks with me
And now I\u2019ve started noticing things that seem a bit fishy
She keeps sneaking out in the middle of the evening
And not telling me where she\u2019s going or who she\u2019s seeing
I thought that she might be cheating at first
But now I fear the reality is actually worse
Coz I found one of her shirts with bloody finger prints
She said it was food dye but I remain unconvinced
But then I found something that couldn\u2019t be disproven
Meat in the fridge that said \u201cCertified Human\u201d
The next day I woke up and couldn\u2019t believe my eyes
The kitchen was full of pasties, sausage rolls and pies
She appeared behind me and said \u201cEat em while they\u2019re hot\u201d
And I cried \u201cOh my god! I\u2019m living with Sweeney Todd!\u201d She\u2019s a<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
It\u2019s more than interest, my girlfriend is obsessed with
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
And now I feel distressed coz the evidence suggests she\u2019s a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
As much as I might try, it\u2019s getting hard to deny she\u2019s a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
Murder Murder Murder, Kill Kill Kill<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 3<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I used to find it cute that she would talk while she was sleeping
But now she freaking me out with the words that she\u2019s speaking
Something about whipping, something about beating
Something freezing to keep it from overheating
It\u2019s now reached the point where I\u2019m plotting my escape
Before I meet my fate as the next meal on her plate
I wait for the perfect moment and then make my attempt
But then I hear \u201cHey babe, can we talk for a sec?\u201d
\u201cThere\u2019s something I\u2019ve been meaning to tell you for some time
But I\u2019ve kept it coz I wanted it to be a surprise\u201d
Man this chick is even sicker than I realised
Does she always play with her prey before taking their lives?
I say \u201cI know what it is\u201d and she replies \u201cYou do?
Go on then\u201d \u201cNo no I insist – after you\u201d
\u201cOK let\u2019s go at the same time\u201d \u201cAll right, cool\u201d
\u201cI KNOW YOU\u2019RE A KILLER!\u201d \/\/ \u201cI\u2019ve been learning to bake at night school\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Both: Wait, what\u2026?
Her: You think I\u2019m a killer?
Me: Well aren\u2019t you??
Her: Um, no?
Me: OK, how do you explain the human meat in the fridge?
Her: What human meat?
Me: There were bags of meat that said \u201cCertified Human\u201d
Her: Certified\u2026 Humane!
Me: Ah\u2026
Her. You\u2019re an idiot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought my girlfriend was a\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
But that was my mistake, it turns out she just bakes, she\u2019s a
FILLER! FILLER! FILLER! FILLER!
Of donuts and cream scones, with custard that\u2019s made from<\/p>\n\n\n\n
VANILLA, ILLA, ILLA, ILLA!
In hindsight I now see, it actually was me who\u2019s the
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of any chance of being baked for again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Verse 1 My girl is one of the nicest people you\u2019re ever likely to meetEverybody\u2019s in agreement she\u2019s kindhearted and sweetAt least that how it seems on the surface, but recently I\u2019ve learnedSome things about her which I find deeply disturbingShe\u2019s addicted to shows about serial killersEverybody from Jeffrey Dahrmer to Jack the RipperI\u2019m tryna […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3189"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3189"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3190,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3189\/revisions\/3190"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}