Verse 1<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s been a long week and I\u2019m feeling ruined, I just need an evening\u2019s TV viewing
I\u2019m starving but right now cooking is the last thing that I really feel like doing
Besides which I think my fridge is empty, I haven\u2019t had any time to go shopping
Pop in my head and there\u2019s half an onion, next to a pot of yoghurt with some green fluff on it (urgh)
Sod it, I can\u2019t be bothered tonight and to be honest I\u2019m craving a takeaway
I know it\u2019s naughty coz I can\u2019t really afford it plus I already bought one the other day
But when ya feeling like this, there really just is only thing which is hitting the spot
Besides by the time that I\u2019ve been to the shop, the ingredients will be a similar cost
So I whip out my app, scroll through the options but there\u2019s really one thing I\u2019m after
Onion bhaji, Tikka masala, lamb bhuna and a chicken dopiaza
Now I know what ya thinking \u201cDamn Offbeat, that\u2019s a lotta food for one man to finish\u201d
But the plan is that I can eat half now and save the rest for lunch\u2026 Ha! Who am I kidding?
Look at my basket \u201c20 quid for all this food? Actually that\u2019s pretty cheap\u201d
Hit the checkout and its 25 once they add service and delivery fees (cheeky c\u2026)
Pay with my face and I patiently wait til my order is accepted by the kitchen (Yess!)
I celebrate, but then a message states – the ETA\u2019s 90 minutes??? (What???)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chorus<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m hungry and I\u2019m tired so I\u2019m grumpy and I\u2019m cranky
My belly\u2019s feeling empty and there\u2019s nothing in the pantry
If I don\u2019t eat soon then I\u2019ll turn into Gordon Ramsay
Coz trust me when I say you wouldn\u2019t like me when I\u2019m hangry!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 2<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I\u2019m playing the waiting game, but my stomach\u2019s growling and I\u2019m salivating
Thinking about the mountain of the food that I\u2019m soon gonna be planting my face in
90 minutes seems like an eternity though and I don\u2019t know if I can make it
Every few seconds I\u2019m checking my phone to see if the status has been updated
An hour and 29 minutes later and it\u2019s still not here so I\u2019m starting to panic
That\u2019s when a notification appears saying 20 more minutes have just been added
I scream \u201cGoddamnit! They can\u2019t do that! What\u2019s wrong with them, are these people monsters?
I\u2019m tempted to cancel and start again, but then I\u2019ll just end up waiting even longer
20 more minutes have now gone by and so I call up the restaurant to give \u2018em an earful
They\u2019ve picked the wrong guy to mess with tonight, if I was in their shoes I would be fearful
I pity the poor fool who answers the phone and receives the fury that I unleash –
\u201cHi, I ordered some food but it\u2019s late, could you please tell me how long it\u2019ll be?\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s them told\u201d, I think to myself as I hang up the phone feeling satisfied
The guy said that it\u2019ll be here in 5 but surprise surprise it still hasn\u2019t arrived
Now I\u2019m on the verge of losing my mind so I take a deep breath and I pick up the phone
\u201cWHERE\u2019S MY FOOD?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019ll be 5 minutes\u201d \u201cBUT THAT\u2019S WHAT YOU SAID 5 MINUTES AGO!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 3<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve had enough and am about to cancel but it\u2019s at that point I receive a message
\u201cYour order\u2019s ready and the rider Raphael\u2019s on his way to the restaurant to get it
\u201cYes Raphael you absolute legend! Now please bring my food to me fast!
\u201cNot too long to wait now my pet, until you and I are together at last\u201d
Now I\u2019m watching the map intently, and scrutinising each move he makes
Cursing whenever he stops at the lights and screaming alternative routes to take
Now he seems to have stopped altogether and the bike icon\u2019s just spinning around
I\u2019ve gone from liking this guy to shouting \u201cWhat the hell is wrong with this freaking clown??!\u201d
Finally I see he\u2019s getting close, so I stand outside so that I don\u2019t miss him
Just in time to watch him fly by and then get trapped in the one way system
A minute later and I get a call asking me to meet him and that he\u2019s parked close
I can\u2019t help feeling as I grab the bag, that I\u2019m partaking in scene from Narcos
By the time that I get back home and I\u2019m sat down eating its half past 10
Part of me hopes that the food is bad so I never have to deal with these chumps again
I take a container out the bag, try a spoonful to evaluate it
And sigh coz the final insult tonight – is it\u2019s the best damn curry I\u2019ve ever tasted<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Damn\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Verse 1 It\u2019s been a long week and I\u2019m feeling ruined, I just need an evening\u2019s TV viewingI\u2019m starving but right now cooking is the last thing that I really feel like doingBesides which I think my fridge is empty, I haven\u2019t had any time to go shoppingPop in my head and there\u2019s half an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[105],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4918"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4918"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4918\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4919,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4918\/revisions\/4919"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}