Verse 1:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s date night, but I\u2019m running late so I\u2019m quite stressed
Plus I need a trim coz my hair is right mess
My usual guy\u2019s on the other side of town though
And unfortunately I don\u2019t have time to drive around, So
I dive into the first place that I can find
It\u2019s called \u201cThe Man Cave\u201d or something along those lines
And as I wait inside, I can\u2019t help laughing at
The fact I feel like I\u2019m in a barbershop starter pack
Uncomfy sofas made out of pleather
Fake wooden walls with the pixelated texture
Skulls with beards as far as the eye can see
And the water spray that looks like a bottle of JD (classic)
I know I should probably take it as a warning
When the brawny before me runs out the store bawling (crying noise)
But I\u2019m in a rush so when the barber shouts \u201cNext\u201d
I approach with no knowledge of what horror to expect<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Chorus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All I ever wanted was a little off the top
Now I\u2019m getting worried that this barber\u2019s lost the plot
All I ever wanted was a short back and sides
Now I\u2019ll just be grateful if I walk out alive!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 2:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He brushes off the chair and motions for me to sit
Asks me what I want and I say \u201cI\u2019ve brought a pic\u201d
I rummage around and take my phone out my pocket
But without looking he just says \u201cSkin fade – got it\u201d
I\u2019m like \u201cHe\u2019s a pro, just let him do his job\u201d
But then watch as huge clumps of hair start falling off (ummm)
He\u2019s bashing me in the head so hard with the clippers
By the time that he\u2019s finished I\u2019m seeing stars in my vision
Afterwards he asks if I want him to shave my beard
I\u2019m hesitant but think \u201cI may as well while I\u2019m here\u201d
Big mistake – he flings me back in my seat
Gets the razor and I wonder if I\u2019m on Fleet Street
He leans over me and starts hacking and slicing
I feel him draw blood, now I\u2019m actually frightened
And when he\u2019s done – it\u2019s like a scene from Home Alone
Coz he slaps me in the cheeks with some cologne (SLAP – Aggghhhh!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Verse 3:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m still recovering from my near death experience
So when he asks the next question I\u2019m barely hearing it
\u201cDo I want him to do my ears and my nose?\u201d
I\u2019m too weary and shell-shocked to say no
So just when I think it can\u2019t get any more dire
He pulls out a big stick and lights it on fire
I try to stay cool, which is kinda hard to do
While thinking \u201cThis dude\u2019s gonna put the \u201cBarber\u201d in \u201cBarbecue!\u201d\u201d
Thankfully he doesn\u2019t roast me alive
But he does wrap a hot towel around my throat and my eyes
I lie there and wonder if I\u2019ll die from being smothered
Then then utter a huge gasp when I\u2019m finally uncovered (gasp!)
I see my reflection, face grief-stricken
Bruised, bloody, looking like freshly plucked chicken
And even though I feel like the victim of a mugging
When he asks what I think, I say \u201cThanks mate, I love it\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Outro:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh my god, what happened to you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t wanna talk about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you OK?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I said I don\u2019t want to talk about it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alright\u2026 so how was your day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He singed me\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah I\u2019m calling the police.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Verse 1: It\u2019s date night, but I\u2019m running late so I\u2019m quite stressedPlus I need a trim coz my hair is right messMy usual guy\u2019s on the other side of town thoughAnd unfortunately I don\u2019t have time to drive around, SoI dive into the first place that I can findIt\u2019s called \u201cThe Man Cave\u201d or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[105],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4920"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4920"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4920\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4921,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4920\/revisions\/4921"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamoffbeat.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}