I Think My Girlfriend Is A Serial Killer!
Verse 1
My girl is one of the nicest people you’re ever likely to meet
Everybody’s in agreement she’s kindhearted and sweet
At least that how it seems on the surface, but recently I’ve learned
Some things about her which I find deeply disturbing
She’s addicted to shows about serial killers
Everybody from Jeffrey Dahrmer to Jack the Ripper
I’m tryna have my dinner while she’s watching Mindhunters
“You not gonna finish?” “Nope, I’ve lost my hunger”
Don’t get me wrong I’m a big fan of horror movies
Hellraiser “Legendary” Evil Dead “Groovy”
But I like fake monsters like Jason and Chucky
She’s into real life ones like Gacy and Bundy
She won’t watch Die Hard coz the violence is senseless
But she’ll watch a guy dine on his parents for breakfast
She swears blind it’s not the gruesome actions she likes
It’s the psychological aspect she’s fascinated by (yeah right)
But now I’m wondering if there is a risk that
Watching all of this stuff can have a negative impact
And if it’s gonna happen to anybody it’s her
Coz with the amount she watches she could definitely turn into a…
Chorus:
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
It’s more than interest, my girlfriend is obsessed with
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
The way that she relaxes is by watching guys with axes who are
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
It was just a bit of fun now I’m worried she might become a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
Murder Murder Murder, Kill Kill Kill
Verse 2
I asked my mate and he said all girls are the same
When it comes to these types of shows their like moths to a flame
Nowadays if you wanna impress em on dates
Ask which hotel they’d stay at – Cecil or Bates
I did my best to push the thought it out my head
Like “It must be a female thing that I just don’t get”
But no matter what I do the idea sticks with me
And now I’ve started noticing things that seem a bit fishy
She keeps sneaking out in the middle of the evening
And not telling me where she’s going or who she’s seeing
I thought that she might be cheating at first
But now I fear the reality is actually worse
Coz I found one of her shirts with bloody finger prints
She said it was food dye but I remain unconvinced
But then I found something that couldn’t be disproven
Meat in the fridge that said “Certified Human”
The next day I woke up and couldn’t believe my eyes
The kitchen was full of pasties, sausage rolls and pies
She appeared behind me and said “Eat em while they’re hot”
And I cried “Oh my god! I’m living with Sweeney Todd!” She’s a
Chorus:
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
It’s more than interest, my girlfriend is obsessed with
KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS! KILLERS!
And now I feel distressed coz the evidence suggests she’s a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
As much as I might try, it’s getting hard to deny she’s a
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
Murder Murder Murder, Kill Kill Kill
Verse 3
I used to find it cute that she would talk while she was sleeping
But now she freaking me out with the words that she’s speaking
Something about whipping, something about beating
Something freezing to keep it from overheating
It’s now reached the point where I’m plotting my escape
Before I meet my fate as the next meal on her plate
I wait for the perfect moment and then make my attempt
But then I hear “Hey babe, can we talk for a sec?”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for some time
But I’ve kept it coz I wanted it to be a surprise”
Man this chick is even sicker than I realised
Does she always play with her prey before taking their lives?
I say “I know what it is” and she replies “You do?
Go on then” “No no I insist – after you”
“OK let’s go at the same time” “All right, cool”
“I KNOW YOU’RE A KILLER!” // “I’ve been learning to bake at night school”
Both: Wait, what…?
Her: You think I’m a killer?
Me: Well aren’t you??
Her: Um, no?
Me: OK, how do you explain the human meat in the fridge?
Her: What human meat?
Me: There were bags of meat that said “Certified Human”
Her: Certified… Humane!
Me: Ah…
Her. You’re an idiot.
Chorus:
I thought my girlfriend was a…
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
But that was my mistake, it turns out she just bakes, she’s a
FILLER! FILLER! FILLER! FILLER!
Of donuts and cream scones, with custard that’s made from
VANILLA, ILLA, ILLA, ILLA!
In hindsight I now see, it actually was me who’s the
KILLER! KILLER! KILLER! KILLER!
Of any chance of being baked for again.