Tea Total (ft Professor Elemental)

Intro

Cop: Wha’s going on here Elemental?
Prof: Just the opening of a new teashop officer
Cop: I know there’s monkey business going on ‘ere
Prof: He’s an ape actually. And a damn fine waitress. Care for one of his creamy scones? Or an afternoon tea?
Cop: I don’ buy it Elemental… I know you’re up to some’in’ and when I find out what I’m gonna take you to the cleaners

Verse 1 (Professor Elemental)

Appearances are deceiving
I can prove seeing shouldn’t be believing
You know the password, sneak in this evening
All will be revealed, something cheeky and indecent
The coast is clear – I’m flipping the switch
With a flick of the wrist, with a click and a twist
Flip the tables rearrange it like lickety split
Get a drink light the lights now we’re hitting it big
Tea room to speakeasy and our mission is this
Switch your fears into dreams then give them a lift
Give them a kiss whether it’s a mister or miss
Have a seat and I insist and then listen to this
My machinery is unbelievable and so’s the scenery
The bar, the stage, the stars, amazing, things you’ve never seen and we
Won’t rest until you’re entertained, tipsy, tripping
Bring on the dancing girls, DJs and the magicians

Chorus (Sharleena Ray)

Welcome to our tea shop, it’s the finest one in town
By day we serve Earl Grey but, when the sun goes down
The revelry’s intoxicating, and so is our tea
For we’ve a cellar stocked with spirits (shhh) between you and me

I can read your fortune amongst those ginseng leaves
Just keep our little secret and we can be as thick as thieves
The authorities need never know you’re here so don’t you fret
Just come and quench your thirst, we’re sure to get your taste buds wet

– Who is it?

Verse 2 (Offbeat)

The Swingpin with a special delivery
Coming to you direct fresh from the distillery
I’ve got the liquor to refresh ya guests
So strong that it’ll put hairs on Geoffrey’s chest
You would never guess this quaint little premises
Could be the scene of such hedonism and decadence
And host the city’s most unsavoury residents
Which is why like the Professor I’m in my Element
But tonight I got more hooch to deliver
“Are you sure we can’t persuade you to stay for a snifter?”
Well I never get high on my own supply
But since it’s you Prof, tonight I guess it could differ
(gulp, cough) Yeah that’s got quite a kick
Now I’m in the mood to start misbehaving a bit
Stealing the Prof’s hat just to see if it fits
Now that’s what I really call taking the pith

Well well well! I knew you were up to something Elemental and now I’ve caught you associating with the Swingpin there’s no denying it! I’ve got you righ’ where I want you and this time you’re not getting away with it…

Verse 3 (Professor Elemental)

Calm down officer, no need to start with locking up
I understand your job is hard but stop and have a drop with us
Malt or hops? Rum or vodka? All top notch, in stock in the
Bar, come on copper, let’s get properly improper

(Offbeat)

Yeah c’mon officer, just take what the Prof offers ya
And see for yourself why this product is so popular
Besides you’ll only be seen by a few folk
We promise that we won’t tell anybody if you don’t

(Sharleena Ray)

Greetings officer, how do you do?
Here’s one on the house and it’s just for you…
To your health sir, chin up now, clink clink
You know this is what the big boys drink

(Pye)

Now look here, I will not be tempted
And this dirty dive bar will not be exempted
But before I leave I need a bit more surety
I’ll have one sip just to test the purity

<guzzle> Hmm…

Maybe I’ve been too hard on this tea shop
I mean everybody needs a way to blow some steam off
And that includes me, so if one crate a week
Was left somewhere discrete we’d have a deal to speak of

Now I really must be off
But before I leave, I got a surprise up my sleeve
You’ve all seen a cop on the beat
But what I bet you haven’t seen is a cop on the beatbox…

Final Chorus

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